Tuesday, March 15, 2005

There are more than miles between us. There is also gender, time, choices, education, culture, experiences, and words not spoken. There is a discernable gap, one which I would like to close. I've always felt less than, more like an outsider than anything else. The two of you are so close, and I a decade away. I have often felt like I am on the outside looking in on something I can never partake of. I think a lot of that is just the nature of a relationship between brothers, and in reality, has not much to do with me at all.

Brendan, the other day, you told me you were proud of me and what I have accomplished. I don't think I can tell you how that makes me feel. Let me tell you what I never have. I have always been in awe of you, of what you've been able to do, of the kind of person you are, and of the talents you possess. Even as a young girl I wanted to measure up to you, and just never could. Again, I think that's just the nature of being the "little sister." I have always felt privileged to be able to spend any amount of time with you. You're always an honor to have around. Your love and acceptance has always meant more to me than anyone elses. (Hey, no pressure here.)

Sean, just being around you makes me feel better about myself. Your encouraging nature and your ability to interact with whomever your speaking with on whatever level they may be on makes me feel at ease. You have a calming quality, and your presence is a rational force. I've always wondered how you can incite one to joy and peace at the same time, but something about you does that.

I am glad you are my brothers. I am sorry I have not reached out as much as I should have to you or your families. So much of my past has been about a day to day existence. Quite frankly, the future and other people have not factored in very much. Over the last couple of years I have developed a hope for the future. Regrets have fallen by the wayside as they have given way to that hope and to a new purpose.

I just wanted you to now how I feel. I want to get to know you better and open the door for growth between us. I love you both and wanted you to know that I am proud of both of you and am grateful you are a part of my family.

2 Comments:

Blogger Pat said...

Having trouble seeing through the tears. Beautiful expressions of love that make my heart sing.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Brendan Bowen said...

Thank you for your kind words. The diversity within our family is great at times, but that's really what has helped define who we are. The way that we can be so different yet not dysfunctional is really a measure of God's grace more than anything else. God's hand is apparrant in your life, and I have been so impressed in recent years to see you gather yourself up and chase your dreams. It's really remarkable. I'll pray that God will give you a sustaining vision and strength so you may continue in his wake. Grace and peace to all of you, Bren

11:41 AM  

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